I FELL OFF THE WAGON

So I fell off the wagon Saturday night at my Passion Party. I drank 6 glasses of wine through out the night. Sunday was good. Then Monday, when I got off work and picked Martin up from work we stopped at McDonald's and I ate chicken nuggets, fries, and ranch. Then Tuesday, I ate green chili beef stew with 2 tortillas instead of the lunch I had packed for myself. Then when I got off I ate half of an all american jack and half of a medium fry. Sooooo, that wasn't all, when I got home I had three glasses of wine. But I am back on track today. I am going to start walking again today also, because I haven't walked since Saturday.

I am a little frustrated with myself. But I will do this. I gained a pound with all the screw ups, so now I am 2 lbs away from my 215 mark.

another day

Got a new job today. weigh in at 217lbs this morning with a fasting blood sugar of 148. Woot! I didn't eat any fast food today, instead I bought a bottle of water and a fresh fruit bowl from Circle K. I had a granola bar for breakfast with my coffee. Seriously considering switching to splenda for my coffee instead of the flavored stuff. I am realizing that it really raises my blood sugar.

911 calories

911 calories is all I had today, didn't drink all of my water like I was supposed to, but on the other hand I had not one diet soda today. My husband was nice enough to eat all of the ice cream today so that I wouldn't be left at home alone with it.

I ate a six inch veggie sub with guac in place of the mayo I love so much, and no cheese for lunch. I had one can of tuna, 1 tbsp of pickle relish and seasoning to taste with no mayo, and ritz crackers for dinner. I started to get hungry later on so I had a slice of turkey, and cup of bullion soup. Later on in the evening, I enjoyed a double serving of V-8 juice. Yum, yum.

My blood sugar was 267 this morning before lunch, I skipped breakfast. Just now before bed, it was 198. yay! I weighed 218.0 this morning. Can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store for me.

No more chicken wings

So, I didn't work today which threw my eating schedule right out the window. Skipped breakfast because I slept through it. We ate at native new yorker for lunch because its .39 wings. I had 10 wings w/ranch. Bad idea. I looked up the nutrition facts and for 5 wings it's 794 calories. So multiply that by 2 and you have a whopping 1,588 calories, that doesn't include the ranch that I drowned each one of those little delicious wings in.

I took Grandma to the casino and ate nothing else for the day until I got home just a bit ago. I had a slice of turkey, some cantaloupe and some bouillon soup.

So I should also mention I had no water today only unsweet tea and diet soda. UGH! Not a happy day for life changes.

Sick!

Every week I watch Chris Powell and Extreme makeover weight loss edition. And every week I sit and I cry right along with those people. I may not be over 400 pounds, but I feel just as heavy as they look.

I ask myself why the hell can't I get it together. Why aren't my children and my husband and my own life enough to get me motivated and stay motivated. Why am I really so selfish. But the truth is that, I just don't know. What I do know is that it hurts to think that I have let myself get this heavy. It hurts to think that I allowed other people and negativity to get to me so badly that I just gave up on me.

I make plans all the time, I make schedules for the day and fail to keep them. I refuse to do what needs to be done to accomplish my goals. My facebook friend JodyMarie runs everyday and she was just as heavy a year ago as I am now. So why can't I do what she does? What's wrong with me? Any takers? Any one want to analyze my situation. Anyone dare to answer the unasnwerable? So soon I will post a beginning picture. Every month I will post a new picture, lets see how this goes. Tomorrow is a new day. I am going to cry, it's gonna hurt, but it's got to be done, if I intend on living a little longer the rest of my family members.