Sick!

Every week I watch Chris Powell and Extreme makeover weight loss edition. And every week I sit and I cry right along with those people. I may not be over 400 pounds, but I feel just as heavy as they look.

I ask myself why the hell can't I get it together. Why aren't my children and my husband and my own life enough to get me motivated and stay motivated. Why am I really so selfish. But the truth is that, I just don't know. What I do know is that it hurts to think that I have let myself get this heavy. It hurts to think that I allowed other people and negativity to get to me so badly that I just gave up on me.

I make plans all the time, I make schedules for the day and fail to keep them. I refuse to do what needs to be done to accomplish my goals. My facebook friend JodyMarie runs everyday and she was just as heavy a year ago as I am now. So why can't I do what she does? What's wrong with me? Any takers? Any one want to analyze my situation. Anyone dare to answer the unasnwerable? So soon I will post a beginning picture. Every month I will post a new picture, lets see how this goes. Tomorrow is a new day. I am going to cry, it's gonna hurt, but it's got to be done, if I intend on living a little longer the rest of my family members.